So as here I am confined to my 12x12 room for the past let’s see….5 LONG ASS days. I have been left to do a lot of thinking (and stumbling, and pinning, and facebooking, at tweeting…dear God get me away from a computer). There are a lot of things that I regret in my life, I feel as though I may have made more mistakes than your average 20 year old female…but I’m pretty happy with where I am now. I am a strong individual, I am loyal, I am loving, I am friendly, I am trustworthy, I am hardworking, I am dedicated, I am comical, I am lighthearted, I am me. I am still trying to piece together my puzzle in this crazy life, but I think I’m well on my way. I’ve been noticing little changes about myself…things that other people probably wouldn’t notice. I’ve struggled, oh boy have i struggled. Every day there are things I must face that aren’t enjoyable to me, but with my friends and family there I believe I can do anything. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I want to do it with love. I have a tattoo on my side that reads “Ve con paz y amor” English Translation: Go with peace and love. I have a tattoo on my wrist that reads; “Belive”. So far these have just been words inked on my body, but from now on I plan to use these words in my daily life. I can believe. I believe in myself, I believe in God, I believe in love, in friendship, in family, in innate kindness and beauty. I believe that being happy with yourself allows other people to be happy with you as well. I believe in doing things that you are passionate about, whether it be enjoying a lazy day on the couch or underwater basket weaving. Do what you want to do, and do with with all you’ve got.
As far as “going with peace and love” goes, well..I’m gonna do that too. I plan to love as many people as I can. I like to think I am as loving as they come. I trust people way too easily, and strive to find the good in everyone. Sometimes this is a flaw, because I seem to fall for boys entirely too fast, but overall I think it’s a good thing. I would rather have made someone smile for a short period of time than not at all. There are definitely things i need to work on, as everyone can say for themselves. But I notice this greatly with my family. For some reason I struggle with my family a lot. I love them more than anything on this planet, don’t get me wrong…but there’s just something. I can’t really put it into words, but it’s been there for a while. Anyway, that’s just something personal I’m going to have to deal with.
So, back to my point. I’ve made mistakes, perhaps I’ve wronged people, perhaps I’ve broken people’s hearts, and sure as hell people have wronged me, and people have broken my heart. Everything happens for a reason, and I would never change anything that has happened in my past. I am so grateful for everything God has given me, and I know I take it for granted (something else i need to work on ). I’m not really sure what the point of all this rambling is….I guess to just get it off my chest. So here it is.
Oh, goals for tomorrow:
1) Wake up before 11
2) Get a library card
3) Get some Panera and coffee (to go)
4) Lose myself in a good book